Starting Points & Publications
If you have just been diagnosed or suspect that you have ADHD, it is useful to get an overview of the lifetime experience of someone who has been through what you have.
For example, Jeff Siegal's blog (running since 2007) which is "Like a labyrinthine journey into a fantasy world, the blog reflects the sometimes funny and poignant convolutions of a restless ADHD mind". Here's his advice to newbies:
For example, Jeff Siegal's blog (running since 2007) which is "Like a labyrinthine journey into a fantasy world, the blog reflects the sometimes funny and poignant convolutions of a restless ADHD mind". Here's his advice to newbies:
- Be realistic. Do not expect change overnight…it is slow and gradual … but it can be done.
- Realise that, at times, you will still stumble. That’s ok. The question is, not how many times did you fall but how many times did you stand up?
- Get on medication. It takes some time to figure out what medication is right for you but, once you do, it works wonders. [NB this might not apply to everyone]
- Keep a diary. Jot down thoughts, feelings, events, triumphs and failures. Review it periodically to see where you may have made improvements and where you still need improvement.
- ADHD is a moving target. You can, and will, get closer and closer to “controlling” it but, it’s a sly son-of-a-gun and will always outwit you. This is the nature of the beast.
- Work with a therapist who understand the challenges of ADHD. Your therapy sessions will be much more productive if the therapist understands the underlying forces that are causing your problems.
- Learn to laugh about it and at it. When you walk from your kitchen to your bedroom and forget why you even went to your bedroom — because something on the television caught your eye and your attention shifted — learn to just laugh it off.
Neuro-diversity: Mind-Map
We are a diverse bunch ... this useful discussion mindmap from DANDA (Developmental Adult Neurodiversity Association has helped many people to see, at a glance, just a few of the many co-morbid conditions that we can come bundled with.
Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD/ADHD) Self Tests / Quizzes
If you are waiting, impatiently, for a diagnosis; and / or you aren't sure if it is AD/HD that you are dealing with, there are an increasing number of helpful quizzes / self- administered test that you can do for yourself readily available on the internet. It goes without saying that these are not a substitute for talking to a TRAINED AD/HD professional but they have been shown to be really useful.
http://psychcentral.com/addquiz.htm
Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD/ADHD) Test Based upon the DSM-5 criteria and other screening measures for ADD/ADHD
Reviewed by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. Use this quiz to help determine if you need to see a mental health professional for diagnosis and treatment of ADD or ADHD as an adult.
Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD/ADHD) Test Based upon the DSM-5 criteria and other screening measures for ADD/ADHD
Reviewed by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. Use this quiz to help determine if you need to see a mental health professional for diagnosis and treatment of ADD or ADHD as an adult.
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Women & AD/HD
http://www.additudemag.com/quiz/7/question-1.html |
Structured Adult ADHD Self-Test (SAAST, Version 2011.1)
http://counsellingresource.com/lib/quizzes/adhd-testing/adhd-test/ |
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How well do you know ADHD?
http://www.additudemag.com/quiz/4/question-1.html Are you living with Adult ADHD? http://www.additudemag.com/quiz/5/question-1.html Is it clutter or just a sign of hoarding? http://www.additudemag.com/quiz/13/question-1.html How seriously do you procrastinate? http://www.additudemag.com/quiz/10/question-1.html |
Could it be depression, not ADHD?
lhttp://www.additudemag.com/quiz/3/q Could It Be Bipolar Disorder, Not ADHD? http://www.additudemag.com/quiz/1/question-1.htmluestion-1.html Adults, could you have an Executive Function Problem? http://www.additudemag.com/quiz/14/question-1.html |
Your Children
Could Your Child Have ADHD?
http://www.additudemag.com/quiz/9/question-1.html
Could your child have Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)?
http://www.additudemag.com/quiz/11/question-1.html
Does my child have a learning disability?
http://www.additudemag.com/quiz/8/question-1.html
Could Your Child Have ADHD?
http://www.additudemag.com/quiz/9/question-1.html
Could your child have Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)?
http://www.additudemag.com/quiz/11/question-1.html
Does my child have a learning disability?
http://www.additudemag.com/quiz/8/question-1.html
Publications
Over time, we will add details of as many useful publications as possible. To begin with, we will simply flag up some of the seminal work of several authors and researchers that we know can be helpful, including Russell A. Barkley, Ph.D., and Dr Thomas E Brown, especially in relation to the Executive Functions; and, in terms of relationships, Gina Pera.
Russell A. Barkley, Ph.Dis an internationally recognized authority on attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD or ADD) in children and adults. He has specialized in ADHD for more than 35 years and is currently Clinical Professor of Psychiatry and Pediatrics at the Medical University of South Carolina. His findings have probably contributed to more of our understanding about AD/HD than any other researcher in the field. He consistently refines his studies and, each year, continues to add to his already formidable library of publications. His website http://www.russellbarkley.org/ is an essential tool for anyone interested in gaining an informed insight into the topic.
A good starting point are two of his fact sheets Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) Topics
and
The Important Role of Executive Functioning and Self-Regulation in ADHD ©
Check out his publications page for a better glimpse of some of Barkley's work. Like Thomas E Brown (see below), his research into the area of the Executive Functions is quite remarkable.
Over time, we will add details of as many useful publications as possible. To begin with, we will simply flag up some of the seminal work of several authors and researchers that we know can be helpful, including Russell A. Barkley, Ph.D., and Dr Thomas E Brown, especially in relation to the Executive Functions; and, in terms of relationships, Gina Pera.
Russell A. Barkley, Ph.Dis an internationally recognized authority on attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD or ADD) in children and adults. He has specialized in ADHD for more than 35 years and is currently Clinical Professor of Psychiatry and Pediatrics at the Medical University of South Carolina. His findings have probably contributed to more of our understanding about AD/HD than any other researcher in the field. He consistently refines his studies and, each year, continues to add to his already formidable library of publications. His website http://www.russellbarkley.org/ is an essential tool for anyone interested in gaining an informed insight into the topic.
A good starting point are two of his fact sheets Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) Topics
and
The Important Role of Executive Functioning and Self-Regulation in ADHD ©
Check out his publications page for a better glimpse of some of Barkley's work. Like Thomas E Brown (see below), his research into the area of the Executive Functions is quite remarkable.
NICE Guidelines
Clinical practice guidelines are ‘systematically developed statements that assist clinicians and patients in making decisions about appropriate treatment for specific conditions’ (Mann, 1996). They are derived from the best available research evidence, using predetermined and systematic methods to identify and evaluate the evidence relating to the specific condition in question. Where evidence is lacking, the guidelines incorporate statements and recommendations based upon the consensus statements developed by the Guideline Development Group (GDG).
If you're feeling brave, read the first of these two NICE Guidelines PDFs (664 pages); alternatively, read the second one (59 pages) or the third quick guide version, at mere 24 pages long, it's almost a leaflet!
If you're feeling brave, read the first of these two NICE Guidelines PDFs (664 pages); alternatively, read the second one (59 pages) or the third quick guide version, at mere 24 pages long, it's almost a leaflet!
- nice_full_guideline.pdfDownload File
- nice_guideline.pdfDownload File
- nice_quick_guide.pdfDownload File
Handbook for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder in Adults
The Amazon blurb for this excellent handbook produced by UKAAN (the UK Adult ADHD Network), written by Professor Philip Asherson (MB, BS, MRCPsych, PhD), Professor of Molecular Psychiatry at the MRC Social, Genetic & Developmental Psychiatry Centre at the Institute of Psychiatry, King’s College London, UK, and consultant psychiatrist at the Maudsley Hospital. Also President of the UK Adult ADHD Network www.UKAAN.org
:
"This book is a direct response to a severe treatment gap in recognising, treating and managing attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) in adults. Affecting 3–4% of the global population, ADHD has long been considered a pediatric psychiatric condition and continues to be overlooked in adults, who often go on to endure a lifetime of clinically significant impairments that affect work performance, social behavior, and personal relationships. However, in the wake of the recognition of ADHD in adults in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders IV (considered the absolute gold standard in psychiatry) and a greater number of pharmaceutical treatments being indicated for adults, this book will increase awareness of the condition and advocate expanding ADHD treatment across all age ranges. The book is especially relevant to psychiatrists, GPs, and specialist psychiatric nurses , while also a useful resource for patient societies and advocacy groups."
Here's a must buy: Taking Charge of ADULT ADHD.
A brief description: If you're among the millions of adults with ADHD—or think you might be—you need the latest scientific facts about the disorder and its treatment. You need practical strategies to help you concentrate, pay attention, get organized, and gain control over your emotions and actions. And you need effective ways to develop your strengths and achieve your goals, whether on the job, in family relationships, or in personal pursuits. From renowned ADHD researcher/clinician Russell A. Barkley, this is the book for you. Sharing candid stories from others who struggle with the disorder, Dr. Barkley describes easy-to-learn techniques you can use every day to manage your symptoms and build skills for success. He also provides clear answers to frequently asked questions about medications and other treatments. Finally, an authoritative one-stop resource to help you take back your life from ADHD. As one of the reviews noted:
"Consider this book the Rosetta Stone of adult ADHD. No one but Dr. Barkley could translate the sophisticated grasp of ADHD for which he is well known into lay terms and solid strategies. Comprehensive, immensely practical, highly readable, and wholly compassionate, Taking Charge of Adult ADHD is the definitive guide for adults with ADHD and the people who care about them."
-Gina Pera, author of Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.?
A brief description: If you're among the millions of adults with ADHD—or think you might be—you need the latest scientific facts about the disorder and its treatment. You need practical strategies to help you concentrate, pay attention, get organized, and gain control over your emotions and actions. And you need effective ways to develop your strengths and achieve your goals, whether on the job, in family relationships, or in personal pursuits. From renowned ADHD researcher/clinician Russell A. Barkley, this is the book for you. Sharing candid stories from others who struggle with the disorder, Dr. Barkley describes easy-to-learn techniques you can use every day to manage your symptoms and build skills for success. He also provides clear answers to frequently asked questions about medications and other treatments. Finally, an authoritative one-stop resource to help you take back your life from ADHD. As one of the reviews noted:
"Consider this book the Rosetta Stone of adult ADHD. No one but Dr. Barkley could translate the sophisticated grasp of ADHD for which he is well known into lay terms and solid strategies. Comprehensive, immensely practical, highly readable, and wholly compassionate, Taking Charge of Adult ADHD is the definitive guide for adults with ADHD and the people who care about them."
-Gina Pera, author of Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.?
Russell Barkley's new book refines his seminal work on the Executive Functions ever further: Executive Functions: What They Are, How They Work, and Why They Evolved If you don't want to buy or read it but are still interested in finding more about the topic, please listen to the interview he did a few weeks ago. The audio can be accessed via the Attention Talk Radio link in our audio section on here. Download the podcast let your GP, family, friends, neighbours, work colleagues and anybody else you can think of hear about the 6 Executive Functions that us folks with AD/HD are dealing with on a daily basis. Force the buggers to listen to the his interview with Jeff Copper, if you need to! Seriously, the more people that hear it the better; it's not like we get ourselves get heard often enough is it?
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Dr Thomas E Brown
DrThomasEBrown.com
Dr. Brown is a clinical psychologist who received his Ph.D. from Yale University and maintains a private practice in Hamden, CT. specializing in assessment and treatment of high-IQ children, adolescents and adults with ADD and related problems. He is an Asst. Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the Yale University School of Medicine and is Associate Director of the Yale Clinic for Attention and Related Disorders. Dr. Brown has presented papers, workshops and symposia at national meetings of the American Academy of Pediatrics, American Psychological Association, American Psychiatric Association, American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, National Association of School Psychologists, American College of Nurse Practitioners, International Neuropsychological Society, the National Attention Deficit Disorder Association and CHADD (Children and Adults With ADHD). In response to invitations, Dr. Brown has given lectures, workshops or grand rounds at hospitals, medical schools, colleges and universities, independent schools, public school systems, and at advocacy, business and professional groups throughout the United States. He has also presented workshops at international meetings of professionals in Argentina, Australia, Austria, Brazil, Canada, China, Costa Rica, Denmark, England, Finland, Germany, Iceland, India, Ireland, Italy, Japan, Mexico, Netherlands, Norway, Portugal, Scotland, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, and Venezuela.
Attention Deficit Disorder: The Unfocused Mind in Children and Adults
"Myths about Attention Deficit Disorder abound. This disorder often goes unrecognized, and even when diagnosed may be inadequately treated. In this up-to-date and clearly written book for the general public as well as professionals in medicine, mental health and education, Dr. Brown describes his new way of understanding ADD. Drawing on recent findings in neuroscience and a rich variety of case histories from his clinical practice, he describes what ADD syndrome is, how it can be recognized at different ages, and how it can best be treated.
This is the first book to address the perplexing question about ADD: how can individuals, some very bright, be chronically unable to "pay attention," yet be able to focus very well on specific tasks that strongly interest them? Dr. Brown challenges the "willpower" explanation and explains how inherited malfunctions of the brain's management system prevent some people from being able to deal adequately with challenging tasks of childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. His book is an authoritative and practical guide for physicians and psychologists, parents and teachers, and the 7 to 9 percent of persons who suffer from ADD or ADHD.
The Brown Model of ADD Syndrome
From more than 25 years of clinical interviews and research with children, adolescents and adults who have ADD/ADHD, Dr. Brown has developed an expanded model to describe the complex cognitive functions impaired in ADD Syndrome. This model describes executive functions, the cognitive management system of the human brain. Although the model shows six separate clusters, these functions continually work together, usually rapidly and unconsciously, to help each individual manage many tasks of daily life. The functions appear in basic forms in young children and gradually become more complex as the brain matures throughout childhood, adolescence and early adulthood.
Everyone has occasional impairments in their executive functions, individuals with ADD Syndrome experience much more difficulty in development and use of these functions than do most others of the same age and developmental level. Yet even those with severe ADHD usually have some activities where their executive functions work very well. They may have chronic difficulty with ADHD symptoms in most areas of life, but when it comes to a few special interests like playing sports or video games, doing art or building lego constructions, their ADHD symptoms are absent. This phenomenon of "can do it here, but not most anyplace else" makes it appear it that ADHD is a simple problem of lacking willpower; it isn't. These impairments of executive functions are usually due to inherited problems in the chemistry of the brain's management system.
Utilizing clinical interview methods, Dr. Brown studied children, adolescents and adults diagnosed with ADHD according to the DSM criteria. He compared their descriptions of their problems with those of matched normal controls. Comparisons between the ADHD-diagnosed and the non-clinical samples in each age group yielded reports of impairments that can be recognized in the six clusters of this model of executive functions:
DrThomasEBrown.com
Dr. Brown is a clinical psychologist who received his Ph.D. from Yale University and maintains a private practice in Hamden, CT. specializing in assessment and treatment of high-IQ children, adolescents and adults with ADD and related problems. He is an Asst. Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the Yale University School of Medicine and is Associate Director of the Yale Clinic for Attention and Related Disorders. Dr. Brown has presented papers, workshops and symposia at national meetings of the American Academy of Pediatrics, American Psychological Association, American Psychiatric Association, American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, National Association of School Psychologists, American College of Nurse Practitioners, International Neuropsychological Society, the National Attention Deficit Disorder Association and CHADD (Children and Adults With ADHD). In response to invitations, Dr. Brown has given lectures, workshops or grand rounds at hospitals, medical schools, colleges and universities, independent schools, public school systems, and at advocacy, business and professional groups throughout the United States. He has also presented workshops at international meetings of professionals in Argentina, Australia, Austria, Brazil, Canada, China, Costa Rica, Denmark, England, Finland, Germany, Iceland, India, Ireland, Italy, Japan, Mexico, Netherlands, Norway, Portugal, Scotland, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, and Venezuela.
Attention Deficit Disorder: The Unfocused Mind in Children and Adults
"Myths about Attention Deficit Disorder abound. This disorder often goes unrecognized, and even when diagnosed may be inadequately treated. In this up-to-date and clearly written book for the general public as well as professionals in medicine, mental health and education, Dr. Brown describes his new way of understanding ADD. Drawing on recent findings in neuroscience and a rich variety of case histories from his clinical practice, he describes what ADD syndrome is, how it can be recognized at different ages, and how it can best be treated.
This is the first book to address the perplexing question about ADD: how can individuals, some very bright, be chronically unable to "pay attention," yet be able to focus very well on specific tasks that strongly interest them? Dr. Brown challenges the "willpower" explanation and explains how inherited malfunctions of the brain's management system prevent some people from being able to deal adequately with challenging tasks of childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. His book is an authoritative and practical guide for physicians and psychologists, parents and teachers, and the 7 to 9 percent of persons who suffer from ADD or ADHD.
The Brown Model of ADD Syndrome
From more than 25 years of clinical interviews and research with children, adolescents and adults who have ADD/ADHD, Dr. Brown has developed an expanded model to describe the complex cognitive functions impaired in ADD Syndrome. This model describes executive functions, the cognitive management system of the human brain. Although the model shows six separate clusters, these functions continually work together, usually rapidly and unconsciously, to help each individual manage many tasks of daily life. The functions appear in basic forms in young children and gradually become more complex as the brain matures throughout childhood, adolescence and early adulthood.
Everyone has occasional impairments in their executive functions, individuals with ADD Syndrome experience much more difficulty in development and use of these functions than do most others of the same age and developmental level. Yet even those with severe ADHD usually have some activities where their executive functions work very well. They may have chronic difficulty with ADHD symptoms in most areas of life, but when it comes to a few special interests like playing sports or video games, doing art or building lego constructions, their ADHD symptoms are absent. This phenomenon of "can do it here, but not most anyplace else" makes it appear it that ADHD is a simple problem of lacking willpower; it isn't. These impairments of executive functions are usually due to inherited problems in the chemistry of the brain's management system.
Utilizing clinical interview methods, Dr. Brown studied children, adolescents and adults diagnosed with ADHD according to the DSM criteria. He compared their descriptions of their problems with those of matched normal controls. Comparisons between the ADHD-diagnosed and the non-clinical samples in each age group yielded reports of impairments that can be recognized in the six clusters of this model of executive functions:
- Activation: organizing tasks and materials, estimating time, prioritizing tasks, and getting started on work tasks. Patients with ADD describe chronic difficulty with excessive procrastination. Often they will put off getting started on a task, even a task they recognize as very important to them, until the very last minute. It is as though they cannot get themselves started until the point where they perceive the task as an acute emergency.
- Focus: focusing, sustaining focus, and shifting focus to tasks. Some describe their difficulty in sustaining focus as similar to trying to listen to the car radio when you drive too far away from the station and the signal begins fading in and out: you get some of it and lose some of it. They say they are distracted easily not only by things that are going on around them, but also by thoughts in their own minds. In addition, focus on reading poses difficulties for many. Words are generally understood as they are read, but often have to be read over and over again in order for the meaning to be fully grasped and remembered.
- Effort: regulating alertness, sustaining effort, and processing speed. Many with ADHD report they can perform short-term projects well, but have much more difficulty with sustained effort over longer periods of time. They also find it difficult to complete tasks on time, especially when required to do expository writing. Many also experience chronic difficulty regulating sleep and alertness. Often they stay up too late because they can't shut their head off. Once asleep, they often sleep like dead people and have a big problem getting up in the morning.
- Emotion: managing frustration and modulating emotions. Although DSM-IV does not recognize any symptoms related to the management of emotion as an aspect of ADHD, many with this disorder describe chronic difficulties managing frustration, anger, worry, disappointment, desire, and other emotions. They speak as though these emotions, when experienced, take over their thinking as a computer virus invades a computer, making it impossible for them give attention to anything else. They find it very difficult to get the emotion into perspective, to put it to the back of their mind, and to get on with what they need to do.
- Memory: utilizing working memory and accessing recall. Very often, people with ADHD will report that they have adequate or exceptional memory for things that happened long ago, but great difficulty in being able to remember where they just put something, what someone just said to them, or what they were about to say. They may describe difficulty holding one or several things "on line" while attending to other tasks. In addition, persons with ADHD often complain that they cannot pull out of memory information they have learned when they need it.
- Action: monitoring and regulating self-action. Many persons with ADHD, even those without problems of hyperactive behavior, report chronic problems in regulating their actions. They often are too impulsive in what they say or do, and in the way they think, jumping too quickly to inaccurate conclusions. Persons with ADHD also report problems in monitoring the context in which they are interacting. They fail to notice when other people are puzzled, or hurt or annoyed by what they have just said or done and thus fail to modify their behavior in response to specific circumstances. Often they also report chronic difficulty in regulating the pace of their actions, in slowing self and/or speeding up as needed for specific tasks.
Impairments of these executive functions can be assessed with The Brown Attention Deficit Disorder Scales, normed rating scales for children, adolescents and adults. Used in schools and clinics as well as by physicians and mental health practitioners throughout the U.S. and in many other countries, these scales and manuals that explain their use and interpretation are published by PsychCorp, the company that also publishes the Wechsler Scales for assessing IQ and memory. Click here for more information about the Brown ADD Scales and related assessment tools.
His other books include Critiques of ADD: The Unfocused Mind; ADHD Comorbidities: Handbook for ADHD Complications in Children and Adults and Critiques of ADHD Comorbidities: Handbook for ADHD Complications in Children and Adults
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Gina Pera: AD/HD in terms of relationships
Chapters include ‘Psychological Denial,’ ‘Treatment Results that Last,’ and ‘Driving While Distracted,’ which includes Denise’s story of when her husband slammed into a moose at fifty mph because he was ‘playing with the radio, fussing with the cell phone, adjusting the heat …’ ”
The only comprehensive and practical guide for adults with Attention-Deficit / Hyperactivity Disorder and their loved ones,
therapists, and physicians.
• Easy-to-understand explanations of ADHD symptoms and neurobiology
• Groundbreaking information on ADHD’s effect on relationships
• Evidence-based strategies for finding effective therapy, reaching through denial, and optimizing medication
• Foreword by preeminent ADHD authority Russell Barkley
• Endorsements by top experts, including psychologist Harville Hendrix, author of Getting the Love You Want
[more to follow]
The only comprehensive and practical guide for adults with Attention-Deficit / Hyperactivity Disorder and their loved ones,
therapists, and physicians.
• Easy-to-understand explanations of ADHD symptoms and neurobiology
• Groundbreaking information on ADHD’s effect on relationships
• Evidence-based strategies for finding effective therapy, reaching through denial, and optimizing medication
• Foreword by preeminent ADHD authority Russell Barkley
• Endorsements by top experts, including psychologist Harville Hendrix, author of Getting the Love You Want
[more to follow]
* 12 Things You Don't Know About Me and My ADHD, by June Silny
http://www.additudemag.com/slideshow/176/slide-5.html
The article (extracted from ADDitude magazine) gives a useful overview of what we ADHDers have to deal with on a daily basis, across the planet. June Sliny's experience over in New York in America might well describe the experience of a 'June Sliny' with AD/HD living in North Shields North Tyneside. Not sure about "... the neatly made bed" or "the promotion at work" though!". It is very useful to read someone writing about their experience of AD/HD from a positive perspective. Let's celebrate our neuro-diversity, as she clearly does "My ADHD is me. It’s in my heart and my soul. I love it that way".
Adults with ADHD are masters of illusion. We’ll convince you we’ve got everything under control when really we feel totally recklessly in shambles at all times. We act like grown-ups when we feel like 5-year-olds inside. Here are the truths about our ADHD that we’ll never tell you.
http://www.additudemag.com/slideshow/176/slide-5.html
The article (extracted from ADDitude magazine) gives a useful overview of what we ADHDers have to deal with on a daily basis, across the planet. June Sliny's experience over in New York in America might well describe the experience of a 'June Sliny' with AD/HD living in North Shields North Tyneside. Not sure about "... the neatly made bed" or "the promotion at work" though!". It is very useful to read someone writing about their experience of AD/HD from a positive perspective. Let's celebrate our neuro-diversity, as she clearly does "My ADHD is me. It’s in my heart and my soul. I love it that way".
Adults with ADHD are masters of illusion. We’ll convince you we’ve got everything under control when really we feel totally recklessly in shambles at all times. We act like grown-ups when we feel like 5-year-olds inside. Here are the truths about our ADHD that we’ll never tell you.
- My loved ones don’t know me: Beneath my bubbly, exuberant exterior I hide a lifetime of anxiety. Below my enthusiasm and passion lay fear and exhaustion. I’ve felt them for so long they almost feel a part of me, but no one sees that. They see a neatly made bed, a promotion at work, dinner on the table, and children who make it to school (just barely) on time. They see a competent, highly functioning, superwoman with a smile on her face. But behind that smile, I’m holding my breath or gritting my teeth almost all of the time — sure that my house of cards will fall at any moment. Thanks in large part to my ADHD, every task takes longer, feels harder, and wears me down in a way I could never explain. It’s lonely, perplexing, and exhausting hiding what’s inside.
- I am My Own Worst Enemy: I teeter daily between self-confidence and self-doubt; never sure which one will win. Some days, I jump into unknown situations with a confidence and clarity that shock even me. But inside a little voice is always telling me I’m just a child, an imposter of a grown-up. That negative self-talk can nag me for days, taunting me to push myself harder to prove myself. And I usually succeed. But, it’s exhausting and painful to reclaim my confidence again after that monster called self-doubt jumps out from behind the walls of my head and begins shouting, “Who do you think you are? You’re getting in over your head. You can’t do this. You’re a phony. Stop pretending to be someone you’re not.”
- I am Not Lazy: Mornings are beautiful, or so I hear. I sleepwalk right through them — awake and asleep at the same time. Sure, the cats are fed, the dog is walked, but please don’t talk to me or ask me any questions. I cannot listen, answer or speak until my mental morning fog lifts around 10:30 a.m. Research shows that 25 to 50 percent of people with ADHD have clinically reported sleep difficulties — falling asleep, waking up, or both. Something in our brain chemistry makes transitions to and from sleep rough and prolonged. For example, I know a neatly made bed makes me feel refreshed and clean; but after I wake up those crinkled covers look like 10-lb. weights. Fluffing and straightening sheets, pillows and covers is just way too much effort. Sometimes I make the bed at 4 p.m. I know this sounds lazy, but it’s not. I’m an energetic person; it’s just that my energy doesn’t start flowing until my morning fog is washed away with a few cups of coffee.
- Sometimes, Mental Roadblocks Control Me: Sometimes I want to cry. How is it possible that I am looking at my phone and can’t find the app I used an hour earlier, and yesterday, and the day before? My phone is an extension of my hand, another limb. I see letters and words, but sometimes when I read the words they don’t enter my mind. I read and re-read but the meaning doesn’t penetrate. The more I stare, the less I see. Sometimes I want to read so badly, but can’t because my brain is not in the mood. As an adult, I have the logic and ability to work around my good and bad concentration moments, but my heart breaks for the children who don’t have the logic or freedom to balance those moments. My heart still breaks for the child I was that could have accomplished so much more had I known how to break through the roadblocks in my mind.
- I Can’t Hear You Sometimes: I am standing right in front of you. I watch your lips move. I hear your words. But my mind is elsewhere, focusing on something brighter, shinier, or louder. In a restaurant, I hear conversations on the other side of the room. The colors and patterns on everyone’s clothes are impossible to ignore. This doesn’t mean I’m disinterested or rude. I’m not. And that’s the hard part. I sometimes literally smack my cheek and say to myself, Come back! Focus! When I do, I am able to slide right back into the conversation as if I had been involved all along. I missed a few words but I fit the remaining words together like puzzle pieces and voila! The picture appears.
- I Wish I Hadn’t Said That: When my New York sense of humor partners with my ADHD, it’s a terrible combination. I’m not always proud of my word choices and my dramatic flair. But when something feels real, I say it. Soon after, I ususally regret it, but I never let on. I pretend I’m okay with whatever I just blurted out. But inside I’m crouching under the table, trying to hide. I want to quickly change the subject or run away from the conversation. Was I rambling? Did I offend someone? Why isn’t anyone laughing?
- I’m Too Compassionate: I care deeply about everything and everyone — from the skinny stray cats I feel compelled to feed to the homeless man sweating on the traffic island holding a cardboard sign. I take on everyone’s emotions (including and especially animals) as if they were my own. If I seem detached, it’s only because my mind is actively occupied with something or someone else. I’m not a people-pleasing, co-dependent, enabler; I am a compassionate, loving person who retains each person’s hurt, suffering, and sadness. I am an emotional sponge. And when I’m consumed by emotion, it’s hard to speak. Please don’t take it personally.
- I Can’t Let Things Go: Like referees reviewing a disputed play, I rewind and replay every aspect of my day. I return to every word I shouldn’t have spoken, every phone call I didn’t make, and every person I might have hurt. It’s an invisible burden that brings no comfort; only regret. If I can resolve an outstanding problem, I do with an apology or a phone call. But some things are better left unsaid; so long as they don’t turn into hidden resentments, which is another thing I worry about endlessly.
- I Want It All — and I Want It Now: I’m a woman of excess. 100% of something is not enough. I always want more. When I eat, I eat too much. But that’s OK because when I exercise, I exercise too much. I surround myself with too much of everything. There are too many books, too many purses, too much food, too many lipsticks, nail polishes, and shoes. But I love it all and use them all. I’m not hoarding; I prefer to call it warehousing. Storage makes me happy, even though it drives my loved ones crazy.
- With Me, It’s All or Nothing: Don’t break my trance if I’m immersed in a project, a writing assignment, or cooking a meal. But when I am wrapped up in my moment, I am bound and totally absorbed in what I am doing. If I stop, I will lose my way, my momentum, and my speed. I like when I get carried away in hyperfocus. It actually feels good, though I know it’s confusing and even maddening to loved ones who lose access to me for hours or days on end.
- There’s a Loud Child Inside Me: ADHD is my five-year-old self who never stopped saying, “I want what I want when I want it.” I try to push her aside, but that little child is noisy and fierce. I’m not proud to admit it, but she is my driving force — and she can be quite motivating, or destructive. Everyone prefers doing what they love, but they understand that responsibilities and obligations require them to do things they don’t love most of the time. Not me; my ADHD gets a chokehold on me and doesn’t let me move forward. But when I get to do what I love, I can rule the world. Nothing can stop me.
- I’m Exhausted By My ADHD: The ADHD mind works a triple shift. It never stops and it has no brakes. This makes me cranky sometimes. My emotions get out of whack, hard to control and intense. I exaggerate and exasperate, and then I realize how poorly I behaved. My thoughts stand like dominoes in formation, setting off a chain reaction, knocking over the next one, picking up speed, moving faster and faster. The movement only pauses while I sleep, if I can sleep with all those thoughts exploding in my head. My only relief comes from self-care. Quiet time is important. It’s the only thing that gives my mind the space it needs to relax and recharge.